Most people are unaware that we all use mental models of the world in order to live our lives. It’s not that they don’t know, it’s that they are unaware, but being aware of this fact is really useful.
Mental models help us to understand and play with life as if we know what we are doing, the more accurate they are the greater the chances we will win.
Maps are a good analogy. We use maps to help us get from A to B (no one ever seems interested in getting to C!!) but the map is only a representation of the real thing.
If you are having regular periods but you just can’t get pregnant – that’s reality, but how you deal with this will depend on your map of the world, on the assumptions you make based on your map.
A common assumption women make is “it must be me!”.
A common assumption men make is “it must be her”.
A lot of people never examine these assumptions, or to put that a more useful way - a lot of people are under the assumption that their assumptions must be correct, and therefore they never take the time to examine them.
Funny one isn’t it…assuming that our assumptions must be correct, assuming that our map of the world must be right!
Here’s a moment of truth…it isn’t!
If you find yourself ‘infertile’ but determined to get pregnant then you MUST begin by making assumptions – there is no other way, and since time is never on your side you need to be careful of the assumptions you make because wrong decisions can waste you months.
For most people infertility is a whole new experience that derails their life and takes them on path they never expected to go down. It’s confusing, not to mention highly stressful to say the least.
Assumptions lead to decisions. The most common assumption couples make is “The doctor will know what’s wrong”.
The most common decision couples make based on this assumption is “Let’s book a check up and see what the doctor says”.
On balance this is probably a good assumption because sometimes there are genuine medical issues that need to be uncovered and treated, but behind the main assumption lies a deeper assumption, and this one mostly goes unexamined.
It’s the assumption that GP’s know all about the body therefore they will know all about fertility.
It’s very similar to the common assumption that doctors know all about the body therefore they must know all about good nutrition. Here’s another moment of truth…they don’t!
My experience also tells me that doctors wish people would stop making those assumptions, because it puts too much pressure on them to have all the answers.
Here’s my prescription:
- Assume that your long-held assumptions are at least partly wrong (coz most of them are)
- Assume full responsibility for the problem
- Assume full responsibility for fixing the problem
- Assume that whatever the problem is your body can fix it given the right set of tools
- Assume it won’t be easy
- Assume the universe wants you to succeed
Assumptions lead to decisions, decisions determine your fate.