You are working away in your life, getting things done, pulling your own weight, doing what you must do.
Great – but what if the way you are living is working against the thing you want most?
This is the most common situation of all. We are too busy and too settled into ‘being busy’ to take time out to contemplate the notion that we may be drifting further away every day from the one thing we want most.
Sure - we are getting some of what we want, we are making ends meet, paying the bills and earning a weekend glass of wine - but these are the day to day things – what about the big things? Like having children!
Let’s say having children is the thing you want most in life right now – but alas you have sperm or egg quality issues that are preventing conception. That’s a tough one, and it’s not a problem you can solve by putting your head down and working away as normal hoping it will get better on its own, because it won’t. Something’s gotta give!
Most men in this situation deal with it by asking their doc if there is anything that can be done for them – and when the doc says ‘no’ - they simply accept it. The same guys are also most likely to believe that IVF is the only thing worth doing next.
To guys like this, the idea that they might have to stop smoking or drinking beer seems like a big ask. Some will try it, but if it doesn’t work (and it usually doesn’t) they go straight back to the beer and fags again – coz – why wouldn’t they, it didn’t work.
Most women in this situation google stuff, talk to their mother or friends and eventually also talk to the doc, maybe follow a course of drugs, maybe give up wine and maybe take a supplement – just in case.
BUT the hard fact is this – Most couples who run into fertility issues stack the decks against themselves by never clearly deciding to go ALL OUT to fix the problem no matter what it takes.
Doing this changes the game.
Our inability to make a clear decision is rooted deep in our psychology and there are three main reasons for it.
One reason can’t make clear decisions is because we don’t know what’s possible…the solution to this is to choose to believe it is possible even though you don’t know how, then set out to find a way.
The second main reason we can’t make clear decisions is because we don’t really believe in ourselves. This is due to our upbringing and life experiences. The solution to this is deceptively simple – you must summon self-belief to your aid and proceed as though you totally believe in yourself. Eventually, with enough persistence, you will.
The third main reason we can’t bring ourselves to make clear decisions is the worst reason of all – we are too comfortable with the way we are and don’t want to change.
We might be able to bring ourselves to give up smoking and drinking for a time to see if it works…but when it doesn’t - we revert, meaning we don’t really change. Why? Because we never really committed to change in the first place.
All of us go through this for different aspects of our lives, it’s normal, the thing is – you don’t want to resist change if it is preventing you from getting the thing in life you want more than anything else – like kids!
There is another way to phrase this: If you can’t bring yourself to really change then it’s fair to say that you value the way you currently are MORE than you value that thing you are telling yourself you want most!
That’s worth thinking about.