You can hide from the causes of your infertility if you want. It’s your call, and yours alone.
We all hide from something that we are not ready to deal with, only a hypocrite could judge you for that. (Alas there are many hypocrites around, and from time to time we all become one!)
Of course, we might hide and hide and hide for so long only to wake up one day realising we have made a monumental mistake which we regret with all our heart – that’s when the pain really hits. But AT THE TIME we were making the mistake (hiding from our problems) we did so because the pain of the problem was not urgent or painful enough for us to push past the imagined pain of actually doing something about it. We kicked the can down the road because picking it up and dealing with it seemed like too big an ask at that time, and kicking it felt easier.
This is life, it’s complicated and we all muddle through it in our own way.
The beauty of really big problems is that they force us to sit up and take notice.
We can’t hide from them anymore because the pain of the problem is far greater than the pain of changing. It might be screamingly obvious to a third person that we have a big problem, but if it’s not obvious to us then - we don’t really have a big problem.
It’s amazing to me what motivates different people. I will never forget a client several years ago (when I used to work with more than just fertility clients) who came to me with out of control diabetes, in danger of losing his foot to amputation, and also ripe for a fatal heart attack.
Yet none of these were motivation enough to him to overcome the habit of drinking soft drinks and eating buns and bread every day. He had no fear of hard work, indeed he worked hard even as a retired man. He knew he was high risk, and after learning what the real causes were he knew the answer – but he couldn’t bring himself to make the changes. Like millions of people, he was willing to die or become a cripple rather that change his ways.
Those were the days when I still believed that information alone should be enough to get people to take action. How naive I was!
When his overweight 12 year old grandson presented him with a story pictograph he had made as part of a school project aimed at appreciating senior citizens – his perspective was shifted in an instant. A line in the story read “When I grow up I want to be like my grandad”.
In that moment the pain of imagining his grandson with amputated limbs was too much to bear, and it dissolved the inner resistance behind which he was hiding. He never drank another soft drink after that.
There’s no point denying that we all hide. There is no point letting our ego’s dictate to us what reality is. None of us is perfect or has all the answers. All of us get hit with big problems from time to time, but many people live to regret their inaction, their hiding from the issues that need to be faced before it is too late. There is no easy answer here, we either face what needs to be faced or we get steamrolled over by them. Problems don’t have to care about us, we have to care about them.