Natural Fertility Consultant

I was speaking on the phone to a prospective couple recently, and although the guy asked me a fair question, I knew it was coming from a hostile place.

He essentially asked me why I wasn’t world famous if my programs were so successful.

It’s a fair question – but it’s also a question coming from a worldview that I believe is skewed.  Essentially it is a view that suggests - “if you are good you should be famous”!

From that logic they must believe that “to be famous you must be good (at whatever you do)”.

It’s pretty simple to deconstruct this thinking and show why it is flawed – deeply flawed, however I do empathise with the sentiment of the question, whatever about the logic.

I know that most people who contact me interested in the program but unsure of committing to it have doubts.  (This ultimately is the reason for the phone calls!)

It’s a significant investment and I know that it would be easier for them if they could see a queue of clients out the door and down the street, or see my program up in lights on the tv. 

Social proof is a real thing – alas I have issues with the principle of it – I believe it is unfair to ask my clients to publicly broadcast their participation is a deeply personal and private program such as Return To Fertility, when most don’t even tell their best friends about their struggle.  So unless my mind changes on this I choose not to do it.

My position on it is that I can only ever work with a limited number of clients, and if I work flat out for the rest of my life – although I would feel a deep sense of accomplishment, gratitude and success, (tinged no doubt with some frustration and sadness for the few for whom the program was not enough to get them over the line), I would still not make a dent in the global problem of infertility.  I’d never be famous no matter how good I was. 

Fame is a mass media creation, it’s not the result of contribution necessarily!  It is something I actively do not seek as I believe it would detract from my work.

The reality is that every client gets broad, deep personalised support from me, and that programs are complicated because they revolve around the lives of real people with real problems.  My program adapts to you!

There is a significant part of me that wants to do whatever I can to reach as many infertile couples as possible and help them over the line.  I also would love to be able to bring down the cost to make it more reachable for people in general,  (currently the overall cost is comparable to a foreign holiday for a family, or a round of IVF), and so it is a dream of mine to streamline the program so that I could do this, but alas this will take time, if it is even possible to streamline such a complicated program. 

I am working towards it all the time though, but I have a hard time believing that I’ll ever become the George Clooney of Natural Fertility – if for no other reason that he’s just not anywhere near as good looking as me!

In the end I refused the couple entry to the program.  This is something I have to do from time to time and though I hate doing it, it’s for the best all round.  Most of the time it is the woman who is driving the search for a solution to the infertility problem.  This is often true even if the guy is the one with the issue. 

There is a male/female psychology at play here that can be very frustrating to witness, but 9 time out of 10 if the guy is not on board with the program he may still join due to the pressure of his wife – but it usually either fails or we have a very hard time working together.

I wish I had a better way to solve this problem but alas I continue to search for answers to this.  For now, it is best for everyone that couples are firmly on the same page and share the same desire to have children and the same willingness to surrender to a program that will most likely get them over the line if they do their part fully.

Commitment, self-belief and willingness to change are the key elements in your success – my fame or lack thereof – has zero bearing on your outcome, and your outcome is all I care about, end of story!

About Brendan

Natural Fertility Consultant

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