1 in 3 couples will face some kind of fertility challenge on their way to becoming parents.
Some of this will be impossible to overcome, at least with the current state of technology, but most of it is solvable with the right approach.
Medical science tells us that most of the infertility in the modern world is driven by that bland phrase of “lifestyle choices”.
We could say that anything from marriage problems to unemployment is also driven ultimately by lifestyle choices but what does it mean?
There’s a way to work this out, but it takes stepping back and having an honest look at your life and where it is going.
We have to begin with the question…what kind of life do we really want?
Most people can’t answer this because they get tripped up on their own internal thoughts. Many will instead answer the question “what kind of life do I deserve?”, or “what kind of life am I ok with?” or “what kind of life should I want?”.
None of these are the right question. The question is what do you want?
Once you answer that you can then temper it with the other questions if you wish and impose reality on it, but it needs to be answered honestly first.
A teenager might say they want the jet set life of a billionaire. (Because being a mere millionaire seems too small to todays kids! Inflation I guess!!)
The teenager in us that never grew up will make us think that we want an idyllic life of carefree bliss, but the adult in us knows better. But it’s still a difficult question to answer and requires some thought.
Our lives are big wide things with many aspects, including family, health, career, social, significance, contribution, financial, emotional and more.
If we are to answer the big question, we need to consider all the important stakeholder aspects of our lives, not just one…not just I want Money so I can do what I want.
If you carefully think out what you want on all those fronts you come to a pretty profound conclusion – given the limitation of time and inner energy - we simply can’t have it all.
But we can have a lot, and for this we need to compromise and aim for what really matters to us.
If you want a 100% roaringly successful career then you will need to put most of your energy and time into that pursuit. This means something else has gotta give.
You can choose what else gives - if you are prepared to do that, and to design your life the way you really want, but there will be a cost. Every lifestyle choice we make has consequences.
I find it best to define the life you want based on the feelings you want, then reverse engineer it to get you those feelings. This forces you to let go of whatever needs to be let go of in order to pursue those feelings, but the upside is that once you clearly define what you want you are in a much better position to choose what you don’t want, and what you need to cut loose.
Anything that doesn’t get you your goal has to go.
Roughly speaking I believe it is possible to aim for 80% success across all your major life aspects…family…finances…career…contribution etc etc. That of course means you have to cut loose the notion of being a 100% successful athlete, or career person…or whatever it is you may have wanted.
If you honestly can’t bring yourself to pursue this sort of balance across more life aspects - then fine, just accept the reality of your choice, but be prepared to reap what you sow. I would add that you need to be prepared to reap what you sow without moaning or blaming anyone else for it.
If you put all your efforts into your career and in doing so you feck-up your relationship with your child…well don’t be too surprised if we meet one day and I call you a jerk! That’s the price you pay…suck it up.
What can be more difficult to see is when you have already made this choice, but not consciously. In other words’ you may have been focusing on your career for decades so it’s second nature to you, but now you realise it is getting in the way of your health, or your ability to even have a family.
If so, this is a moment of truth for you.
Imbalance is necessary to achieve greatness in any one area, but harmony and meaning in life are connected to balance. It’s better to choose consciously.
What future do you REALLY want?