Sometimes we just don’t know what the real problem is and try as we might we just can’t seem to crack the nut that holds the key to our better life.
It is known, though not widely enough, that much of our early life experience directly determines the rest of our life, or at least determines how we perceive the rest of our life.
How we perceive it in turn tends to govern how it all unfolds.
Mostly, we just don’t know what caused us to be the way we are, because we can’t remember what happened to us - or more importantly - what didn’t happen to us in our early life.
So when we encounter problems as adults and we genuinely do attempt to face them - meaning we make an honest stab at recognising what it is about ourselves that is either causing the problem to persist, or is hindering us from solving it - then what we are really facing is our internal programming which we received as young kids.
It is ultimately this very issue that makes the nut hard to crack - we are the way we are due to our ‘handling’ as kids, yet neither us nor our parents or ‘handlers’ know for sure what ‘went wrong’ or ‘what caused what’ - unless it is totally obvious, so how do we figure out what to ‘work on’!
How do we break the hold our young programming has over us?
My take on it is that you must first believe that it is possible to break the hold - because only from there can you find the will or the strength to venture forth and actually solve it.
Secondly I think the best way to think about it is using something like the thinking in the book The Obstacle Is The Way.
In short, whatever problems you face, when you face them honestly and with integrity, the solutions tend to emerge from the fight. The fight is of course internal, you fight with aspects of yourself as you work towards solving any real problem. What you experience as you fight with yourself is a reflection of the very thing you need to fix in order to solve the problem.
The problem is the way to the answer!