I am often reminded that more than a few of my fellow men shirk responsibility for the awesome and sacred task of preparing for pregnancy when faced with complications.
99% of the time it is the woman who drives the search for solutions to infertility. This used to bother me, but I’ve come to realise it can only ever be the woman who is truly driving the project because that’s the natural order of things.
It’s not - in and of itself- a problem. The man’s job is to have his woman’s back, to provide, to serve, reassure and protect. In the modern world this means protecting her from unnecessary stress, from the need to organise everything, from unhelpful people – even if it’s her mom or worse - his! But it also means protecting her from the fear that he will no longer love her if she can’t have a baby, it means ultimately – being present in the relationship as an equal whether kids happen or not.
If you are a man reading this, know that if you don’t automatically lean towards doing the above, if you resist it, if you rebel against it, if you disagree with it, if the woman is doing ALL the heavy lifting and the you are just there, neutral or even un-supportive then the issues go way beyond fertility – something is wrong with you and something major is askew in your relationship. If infertility has ripped the plaster off the wound of your relationship – you are in a tough place. The psychology of this runs very deep.
It means something very fundamental to your life is out of focus and you need to bring your attention to it now and work hard to solve it otherwise you are going to spiral downwards to a life of unfulfilled misery.
That’s ok though – none of us are perfect, we all mess up – it’s what we do with the mess that counts.
The real problem is that fertility has an end date!
The clock is ticking, and the biology needs to be sorted out fast, yet the psychology of broken relationships will completely pull the rug from under any sense of security a woman might have and this in turn will waylay any chance of returning normal fertility rhythms.
Complex infertility can only be solved by a combined Psycho – Neuro – Endocrine – Immunology approach to treating the whole person.
Infertility is going to magnify the relationship issues you already have. It’s either going to break you and make you realise you chose the wrong partner a long time back, or, it’s going to focus you and make you realise who you really are. Either way the truth is going to come to the surface and the beauty of it is – it’s your choice which truth emerges.
You’ve already chosen your past, choose your future now – quick!