Most people don’t really know their partner that well!
You’d think the years of courting before tying the knot and then some years since would have allowed you to get to know them pretty well – but I’m going to challenge you to rethink that. You may have come to know them ‘as they currently are’, but what if their personality is ‘not truly them’? Indeed what if yours is not truly you? I’ve come to believe this is the norm.
Most people in the modern world are nowhere near being optimally healthy – meaning most of us are not expressing ourselves fully, we are not getting to live out our lives in a state of vibrancy where we can easily handle what the world throws at us and make the contributions we really want to make.
Simple functional daily issues like stiffness, or constipation, or sleep problems or tiredness or being on edge or just being unfit – have become common, and are all simply expressions of us just sort of ‘limping’ along through our lives. When our energy provision system is struggling to keep up – these are the kind of things that happen to us. Having less than optimal energy directly affects our mood, and if this continues for long enough we can become ‘set’ this way, but like a fish in water we don’t notice it and instead we just think this is the way it is – this is who I am. We think it’s normal!
If your partner has some degree of infertility it means something is struggling in their body, and no matter what the problem is – it is always reflected in symptoms given off by our energy provision system.
If they are courageous enough to face this head on and take action to fix the problem they will eventually generate new habits and beliefs and moods and outlook – their life in general will change in some way.
Something that often happens when people do this is that they finally come out from under a sort of ‘fog’, or a ‘mode of being’ that has thus far governed their lives, and they begin to see things differently, and feel differently and act differently. In a sense they become more their true selves and they find their balance or their ‘groove’ much more gracefully.
I’ve seen moody, cranky men and women become more balanced, more confident and happier. Whereas before they might lose their temper or get triggered easily, now they don’t and this in turn changes how they argue and how they interact with their spouse with the effect that a whole new level of relationship blooms. It’s my own personal experience that initially opened my eyes to this, and also made me realise that it is an ongoing journey.
This change can open up a whole new future for some people, but it can also be somewhat jarring for the partner because they have – in a sense – ‘lost’ some of the person they were familiar with for years and now must get to know the new version of this person all over again. Sometimes they feel left behind because the new person will automatically re-calibrate their lives and begin acting differently, usually subtly but sometimes very obviously, yet always in a much better way.
The price of success is Change, and the effect is universally positive for the individual, but it’s the cliched ‘fear of change’ that stops so many people from achieving it. If the prospect of change is scaring you, one of the best ways to overcome that is to be open in your support of others when you recognise them trying to change – encourage them instead of holding them back, look forward to the new version of them instead of wishing they would stay just they way they are.
All my clients get asked the same hard question – are you willing to change in order to become fertile? All of my clients partners get asked a different question – can you deal with your partner if they change, are you willing to get to know the new version of them – or will you hold them back?
It can be unsettling to consider that you may not really know your partner – but if you see them trying to change and you are not yet ready to follow – at least let them know you have their back – the compound interest you will earn on that investment of energy is huge.