If a child lives with criticism they learn to criticise….
In that case, I reckon we were all criticised as kids because we all criticise someone for something. Like the proverbial fish unaware of the water they swim in, humans mostly seem unaware of how deeply ingrained criticism is in us. It happens so regularly it’s regarded as ‘normal’ in society now, but this is a serious problem, and if you are struggling with infertility, or with any part of your journey, it is something you need to be aware of.
Whereas the concept of ‘critique’ is meant to be an objective and honest appraisal designed to help someone, ‘criticism’ is not, it is always judgemental, and that’s the issue. We know how it affects the receiver – it makes them feel ‘less’ – (that’s why we do it!!), but few seem aware of the karmic sting in the tail that rebounds on the giver. It sows in us the seeds of our deepest fear – the fear we all have of not being ‘enough’.
This is the fear that wells up inside us whenever we try to pursue our dreams. It is the fear that causes us to doubt our ability whenever we face a challenge big enough to sink us.
It’s because of this fear that we hesitate, procrastinate, turn away from challenges and lose confidence in ourselves. The fear we feel is the emotional sum of every criticism we ever gave out to others for making mistakes. It makes us shy away from taking risks in case we fail or look foolish in front of others. This in turn makes us choose the path of safety instead of the path of adventure. Alas, it is somewhere on the path of adventure that life’s meaning awaits us.
The real tragedy of this self-inflicted wound is that it hinders us from the full expression of who we are and what we can be. We hold back our best selves just in case we might get criticised. For the artist in us all – this is our deepest fear.
The solution is mind-bendingly simple though, and I’ll be forever grateful to the person who made me aware of this just a few short years ago – The Criticism Diet.
Choose to give up criticising.
Like quitting sugar – the process brings you face to face with just how often you eat it, but once you get it out of your system it loses its grip over you and you feel free!
Infertility is a call to adventure, and whilst it’s possible your solution lies somewhere on the ‘safe path’ – I doubt it. Returning your body to fertility is a problem so difficult it forces you to venture into unknown lands in search of answers you don’t yet understand, and it brings you face to face with parts of yourself you don’t want to change.
If you harbour a fear of failure that prevents you from acting, it’s probably because you were unfairly criticised throughout your life. You can’t change the past, but you can change how it affects your future by making sure you are not karmically cursing yourself by criticising others – even if they deserve it!