Posts By: Brendan
Several years ago, our family was buzzing with the joys of spring after we witnessed the hatching of 7 chicks in our backyard hen patch. An 8th chick hatched a few days later thus allowing its siblings a decent head start, and soon it became obvious that amidst heavy competition for mom’s attention number 8 was failing to thrive. The longer it went without feeding the weaker it grew, and eventually the others inevitably began to act out the cruel laws of the jungle pecking the limp featherless weakling until she was bloodied and dying.
It was distressing to watch.
Having failed to induce any recovery by our hapless feeding attempts (how do you feed a limp blind 5cm long creature with a beak?) I was forced to face facts and decided to end the chicks suffering. With the kids at school I brought her away into the grass and retrieved the shovel figuring this was the fastest and most painless way to end her life.
Having barely moved in the nest since hatching, save for the odd attempt at waddling towards her mom, I couldn’t believe it when she lifted her head fully off the ground and looked square at me with her blind eyes. Did she somehow recognise in some primal sense that the shovel raised above my head was the reaper coming to visit, or was it a desperate attempt to look for mom amidst a heightened degree of separation anxiety?
I’ll never know but it was a surreal moment that imprinted itself on me in a way I still find hard to explain. The best I can offer about my experience is that we shared an undeniable moment of communication, or even bonding. I ‘felt’ her voice in my heart saying – “I want to live”.
It melted me, and a minute later she was back in the nest.
For reasons I’ll never understand, the other chicks never pecked her again and she thrived into a healthy hen who lived in our garden generously donating eggs to us for the next five years. Did her brush with death activate something in her? A sense of urgency, or the strength to fight? I don’t know.
She did meet her end one spring night when she became dinner for a local fox and her hungry cubs. At least it was a natural ending!
That moment reinforced in me the idea that if you have the courage to ask for help life can find a way despite the most overwhelming odds. No matter how desperate the situation or how bleak the outlook may feel, no matter how lost you might imagine yourself to be, there is always a way home…so long as you don’t give up!
We are programmed to seek out danger signals, we can’t help it.
Our brains will automatically zero in on that one danger signal in midst of a hundred ‘other’ neutral signals. This hardwired trait kept us alive in the distant past, and still does, but now it’s also working against us – in fact it is slowly killing us AND it is taking our fertility offline in the process.
There…I’ve just activated the alarm bell in your mind! Danger – must pay attention!
Today we are much more threatened by the new dangers than the old ones, and if we don’t get to grips with this it will take us out. We must, it is not optional, we must find a way to bring this problem into our conscious awareness if we are to live meaningful lives, because chronic stress really does sap us of our vitality, and with that goes our dreams.
How do we bring this ancient trait under our control?
First, we must recognise that it takes its que from information around us, which is now coming at us fast and furious. People have evolved clever ways to grab our attention, and there’s an endless stream of them. It’s relentless, and they are all competing to win our minds, our focus and our time.
The ones who win do so because they are better at activating our danger signals.
But there is a deeper truth to this…we let them do it to us, and we even give them permission. That’s kind of fracked up!
But consider this – behind all the negative stuff lies a better story…the world may have lots of problems, but it is actually getting better and better with every year. There is divide, but more and more people are coming together to make things better.
We can’t ‘sense’ this improvement intuitively, instead we need to seek it out. Doing this helps to rewire our minds towards good news stories and hope, rather than the endless expressions of anger frustration and apathy which trigger our alarm bells and make us think it is important, when it isn’t.
If you don’t fill your mind with real good news and stories of triumph against the odds you remain at the mercy of your lizard brain, constantly reacting to danger signals that sap your vitality and your ability to experience life at a better ‘vibe’.
Yes, we face imminent global bankruptcy, yet inspiring entrepreneurs continue to product magical solutions to massive problems.
Yes, we face real terrorism, both from failed states as well as powerful nation states, yet inspiring humans constantly work to bridge the divide between cultures and bring us closer together with common purpose despite our fears.
To ‘see’ this new truth you have to metaphorically stop looking with your eyes…you have to close them and allow the sounds of the city to fade away, then once you find your peace open them again and begin to choose deliberately what you are going to focus on.
A stressed body will focus on the fight and kick the can of fertility down the road, but there’s a lot you can do about this!
Most women will have heard of Thrush, but very few are aware of the condition called Bacterial Vaginosis, despite it being twice as common. 1 in every 3 women will experience it…that’s a lot! It’s characterised by a greyish discharge and a mild ‘fishy’ odour and can occur with or without pain.
Although it is not specifically proven to cause infertility, BV exists in up to 45% of women struggling to conceive, according to this paper, now that’s a hell of a lot!
It’s also implicated in pre-term delivery, as well as 2nd trimester spontaneous terminations, so this is a serious issue.
It was shown in the above paper that treating the vaginosis improved pregnancy rates…but not by a lot. My thoughts on it are that it is yet another ‘burden’ on the body of a woman struggling to conceive, and so treating it frees them up at least to some degree, and this -for some women- is enough to allow their body to get back on top and re-establish fertility.
Officially BV is caused by an imbalance of bacteria in the vagina. Now if you think like I do you will recognise the contradiction in medicine whereby even though most doctors know that everything in the body is connected, the medical mindset regards everything in the body is separate, and it is this mindset that prevails.
So it’s no wonder that once a woman is diagnosed with BV the most common response is to treat them with antibiotics.
That’s what they did in the above study, and in my opinion that’s why they only saw a small (albeit significant) improvement in pregnancy rates.
What is not considered here is how gut bacteria balance is directly related to one’s vaginal bacteria balance. Nor is it considered that antibiotics are one of the major causes of longer-term bacteria imbalance in the gut, and thus they are implicated in causing the very condition they treat.
This is not an argument against using antibiotics to treat BV, it’s an argument to consider the longer-term effects of living with imbalanced gut bacteria, especially if you are having trouble conceiving.
Sometimes ‘nuking’ the bacteria that cause BV solves the issue and allows the body to get back on top, but if nothing more is done to help establish a good balance of bacteria systemically then the relief is usually temporary, and the can is just kicked down the road.
The imbalance of bacteria in our gut is caused by the way we live, by what we eat and don’t eat, so if all you do is nuke infections with antibiotics, sooner or later they tend to come back. What’s more, some bacteria will come back resistant to antibiotics making the next episode even harder to conquer.
The key to healing is not sudden shock therapy to correct the course we are on, it’s the willingness to change the little things we do daily that gradually contribute to long term problems. This requires the very thing most of us are not prepared to embrace…a shift in mindset!
In my early days I accepted any client who needed help, but many times I ended up engaged in a sort of arm-twisting game trying to get them to change. As I matured, I came to realise this is approach was only a pathway to perdition for both of us.
I love helping my clients make the necessary adjustments once they commit to the process, but I no longer work with people whose arms I have to twist. Since I made that leap everything has gotten better, including the results!
You know it’s actually possible that you don’t really know your partner in their natural state!
You might know them for some years before tying the knot and then some years since, and so you will have come to know them ‘as they are’. But, and as you read this you can also apply the insight to yourself, what if their personality was ‘not truly them’, or yours was not truly you?
We know that A LOT of people have been diagnosed with some or other disease or condition and we also know that this represents the tip of the iceberg insofar as for every person with a diagnosed condition there are many more who are slowly (or quickly) limping towards it.
Seemingly simple functional daily issues like stiffness, or constipation, or sleep problems or general energy levels are all versions of ‘limping’. If our energy production is challenged, we feel it in these ways. It affects our mood in a big way, and we can become ‘set’ with this way of being, but like a fish in water we can’t notice it because we just think ‘it is’. We think it’s normal!
If you or your partner has some degree of infertility it means something fundamental is not working ‘inside them’.
If you are courageous enough to face this head on you will inevitably take action to fix the problem, but to do this you will need to plumb the depths of yourself, your body, your mind, and your health in general.
One of the things that often happens when people do this is that they finally come out from under a sort of ‘fog’, or a ‘mode of being’ that has thus far governed their lives, and they begin to see things differently, and feel differently and act differently. In a sense they become more their true selves and they find their balance and their groove much more gracefully.
I’ve seen moody, cranky men and women become more balanced, more confident and happier. Whereas once they might lose their temper easily, now they don’t, and this in turn changes how they argue and how they interact with their spouse.
This can be a relief and open a whole new future for some people, but it can also be somewhat jarring for the partner as they have -in a sense- lost some of the person they were familiar with and now must ‘get to know’ the new person all over again because the new person will automatically recalibrate their lives and begin acting differently…in a much better way.
The price of success is almost always Change, and the effect is almost universally positive, but it’s the cliched ‘fear of change’ that stops so many people from achieving it.
Are you willing to change in order to become fertile? Can you deal with your partner if they do?
“I don’t get it” said one of my fertility clients to me…”every time I get a new blood test my levels are all normal…they can’t find anything wrong, yet they still give me drugs to try and fix my levels!!”
Yes indeed it’s complicated, many factors can be conspiring together to keep your fertility system under par….but one issue that really hits me is the routine over reliance on ‘average’ levels of hormones from blood tests.
The reference ranges for various hormones like estrogen, FSH, LH and progesterone are worked out using a hodge podge of averages across the population…but everybody in the lab testing world knows there is no such thing as an average person. Yet despite this we still try to aim for average norms.
The problem with this is twofold;
- Your ideal level of any given hormone may be different from the average (and hint…it always is!)
- The way hormone levels are detected in blood tests doesn’t really give you any functionally useful reading…it doesn’t really tell you what the heck is going on inside your body.
I’m not saying that average values from blood tests are pointless, I’m saying they’re useless! They are a holdover from the old way of doing things…and we all know how long it takes to stop doing old things and start doing new things. All of us…right! We all find it hard to change old habits…so I guess we can’t exactly get off complaining about the medical system and how it’s stuck in the mud, when we can’t do it ourselves!
Anyway…here’s the science bit if you want it…
Hormones travel around the blood either bound to proteins or not…either in taxi’s or walking!
When you measure estrogen from a blood test for example, what you are seeing is the total amount of estrogen…both the stuff in the taxi’s and the stuff walking around ‘free’. We call this bound and unbound.
Typically over 90% of the stuff is bound…in taxis, and the rest is unbound…or walking around freely.
Now here’s the clincher…only the free stuff can do anything to you…only the free estrogen can go into your cells and make them do something that estrogen makes them do.
Estrogen for example makes your womb lining grow in preparation for having a baby…but only free estrogen can do this…not estrogen bound to a carrier protein (aka a taxi).
So what’s the point of measuring all the estrogen when it’s only the free stuff that actually changes anything in your body?
It’s like….you’re on holidays in Lanzarote with your family…on paper you’re a millionaire coz you own 5 properties, but you can only buy beer and pizzas with whatever money you have in your pocket. (Credit cards don’t exist in this world…just go with it!)
If you only have €1.50 in your pocket, well you’re not exactly going to get pissed are you. But imagine an onlooker commenting about you that you’re as tight as tuppence because you won’t buy your kids pizzas!! It wouldn’t be very accurate would it? Yet that’s what doctors do…they comment on your overall wealth without knowing your immediate liquidity status, without knowing how much of your estrogen you can actually spend at any given moment. And whats worse…they often proscribe drugs to you based on this reading.
Is there a way to tell how much free estrogen (or progesterone…or LH or FSH for that matter) you have floating around your blood? The answer is yes….you can get this information in saliva tests, because the only hormone in saliva is the free stuff…and reference ranges have been worked out…and to boot (at least for the labs I use) the reference ranges are not generic averages…they are ranges based on what healthy people have, therefore they offer decent targets to aim at.
Why don’t doctors use these? Old ways are slow to change.
If you’re interested in finding out how you can get these tests send me an email and I’ll let you know.
To be human is to deceive ourselves.
We can’t possibly engage with all the truths about our lives all the time, we must ignore most of them most of the time lest we drive ourselves mad.
One universal truth is that we choose what to focus on in life, yet to our peril most of us fail to realise this. We choose our priorities. We either choose on purpose or we choose by default, but one way or another we choose, and each choice has consequences.
Choices that move us forward towards one goal inevitably move us further away from another – that’s a natural consequence.
We can’t always see what the consequences of our long-term choices are – until we can, but some are obvious if we’d only take a moment to think about them.
If we choose to work away from home for months or years on end, or to work all day long to secure our careers, pay the bills, or even just to feel significant – then fair enough, it may be genuinely heroic of us – but it is a choice.
When faced with big problems then let’s at least be honest about the choices that got us here.
We can’t expect to form meaningful bonds with our young children if we hardly ever meet them, and we can’t then expect to have good relationships with these children after they grow up.
Pain is an inevitable consequence here…for us and for the kids!
When we face a problem capable of sinking our ship, then the luxury of self-deception evaporates. If we are to prevail in the face of overwhelming odds, we must bring out the best in ourselves. This requires getting the worst of ourselves out of our own way, and to do this involves telling the truth.
Is your current life choice taking you further away from your goal…Yes or No?
Child’s brain development permanently affected by this one type of food!
Here’s a study that no pregnant mother should read unless they want to send themselves into a stress response and destroy all that lovely pregnancy Zen they have been cultivating!
Maternal dietary imbalance between omega-6 and omega-3 polyunsaturated fatty acids impairs neocortical development via epoxy metabolites
You can read it all here if you think you might want to get pregnant any time soon! http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/stem.2246/full
It’s a pretty dense read but in a nutshell it says:
- The final positioning of our brain cells is set for life very early in embryonic gestation.
- This process is determined by nutritional factors (…Ya don’t say!!)
- One common way for the process to go wrong (common in the western world that is) is because of our very top heavy consumption of Omega 6 oils in comparison to Omega 3.
The paper also mentions the very interesting “developmental origins of health and disease” hypothesis which says that “nutrition in early life stages determines the risk of onset of various diseases in adulthood”. In other words how we are nourished as embryos and as kids has a HUGE effect on our disease risks later on.
Think about this for a minute…it is saying that if we get our kids nutrition wrong from the get-go they are going to suffer badly as they age…and there is little we can do about it after the fact.
I hate this idea but I have to reluctantly agree that it seems pretty spot on.
I do challenge the second part of the hypothesis though….the part that says there is precious little we can do about it.
Studies do indeed show that poor nutrition in early life (the now famous first 1000 days) has a big impact on us as we age. But these studies largely relate to people who continue as they started off…in other words if they start off on a poor diet they tend to continue eating a poor diet…and hey presto they eventually get a disease.
Studies don’t show that if those same people began to eat a healthy diet they still go on to get diseases. Studies don’t show this because it’s hard to find enough people to do these kind of studies on…that’s all!
I maintain that whilst a lot of harm is done by virtue of eating nutrient poor diets it is still possible to roll a good portion of it back once you become smart to the fact. I can’t ‘prove’ this of course but if you put several Nutritional Therapists is a room and hear their stories you would be filled with awe at the healing power of the human body. People do get better very often when they nourish their bodies.
But going back to the paper above…if we eat too much omega 6 oil (and most of us are) we develop a complicated imbalance that affects our whole body, but in particular if mom’s diet is lopsided in favour of omega 6 it affects the brain development of gestating embryos, and this effect will persist for life. The paper is saying that the imbalance gives rise to a complicated milieu of metabolic by-products that alter the very process that determines where baby’s brain cells end up in the skull. Think about the blob of a foetus that eventually grows a brain…and all the magic that has to occur to orchestrate the migration of those tiny cells to the exact right place in the brain! As incredible as it is the process can be disturbed by having too much Omega 6 and too little Omega 3.
Exactly what the end result is of having your brain cells end up in the wrong place is not fully elucidated in the paper but it hints at cognitive impairment.
Enough of the heavy stuff…what’s the takeaway message?
Quit eating processed vegetable oils and any foods with that stuff added to it and add some flax seeds and oily fish to your diet. That’s pretty much it!
All those so called healthy polyunsaturated oils we are told to eat to protect our heart…they are all omega 6 oils…and to boot they are all over-heated and rancid. It’s the rancidity that has some scientists questioning if it is not the omega 6’s themselves but rather the fact that they are over-heated that is the real problem, but that’s a topic for another day.
The quickest way to rectify an omega imbalance is to drop all processed oils, cut drastically back on the quantity of grains you eat (grains contain mostly Omega 6 oils), and take high quality cod liver or salmon oil for a few months. I used the words High Quality on purpose there…most of the stuff on sale is not high quality and the evidence is mounting that low quality (ie carelessly manufactured) Omega 3 oils can drive a whole other set of problems in the body. It’s serious stuff!
I’m not going to openly advertise other people’s products here so if you want my top recommendations for these supplements drop me an email with the subject line Brendan, Tell Me Where I Can Buy The Best Omega 3 Oils…and I’ll email you the answer! (I don’t sell them!)
Yours in health
A Case of ED & Sperm Morphology Issues Resolved!
(Part of the Case Report blog series)
Pat (his real name, but surname withheld), called me in early 2016 not because of fertility concerns per se but because at just 30 years old he was suffering from ED. He also wanted to start a family but hadn’t been TTC’ing for real just yet.
From the get go it wasn’t known if Pat had any issue with his sperm but he clearly had difficulties both getting and maintaining an erection. With no further information I can tell you that this problem does not happen in isolation and so I was confident that we’d uncover more to the story if we looked deeper.
Firstly an overview of ED is warranted: An erection is actually quite a complex affair that involves signals from the brain to both initiate and terminate the erection, blood flow to fill out the muscles, nerve sensory feedback, hormones like testosterone, and then when it’s all over there are special enzymes to turn the erection off again once the moment has passed. Men typically get several erections per day as normal, some of which are due to sensual thoughts and others which are simply to do with metabolic housekeeping and happen almost unconsciously in that they dont involve any element of desire.
Of course all of these functions in turn depend on the availability of the right soup of nutrients both in the brain and in the penis (the second brain…right!!). The enzyme that brings erections to an end is called phosphor-di-esterase type 5 or PDE5, without it erections would never subside. The obvious humorous comment from the girls here would be…”Wow..if only we could find a way to turn off this PDE5 in our partners then we’d be able to prolong the fun!!”
Well as it happens this is exactly what the most famous ED drug on the market does. Sildenafel (marketed as Viagra) supplies a compound that temporarily inhibits the action of this PDE5, so it prolongs erections by inhibiting the body’s ability to end them.
There is also a second effect of the drug…it causes a release of a substance called Nitric Oxide in the body. Nitric Oxide causes vasodilatation, which is an increase in blood flow due to relaxing of the blood vessels. Basically if blood vessels are too stiff then blood can’t flow freely in them, but once they relax blood can flow better, thus creating an erection. (Stiff blood vessels = No stiff penis!)
So Viagra causes a flush of blood to the penis and then it stops the PDE5 enzyme from ending the erection. This is interesting because most guys are never fully checked out for the real underlying cause of ED, which are many, and yet they are prescribed products like Viagra under the assumption that this is the only thing that is needed. So any given guy might be fine with PDE5 and therefore doesn’t need a PDE5 inhibitor – yet they get it anyway. This probably accounts for one of the side effects of the drug in some men…a boner that won’t subside!
It might sound funny but it’s not when it happens to you.
Anyway, back to Pat. The underlying causes of stiff blood vessels are many. Nutritionally speaking it is fair to say that much of it is caused by blood sugar imbalances…or basically consuming too much sugar over a number of years. This triggers a near continuous amount of inflammation in the body whilst blunting the effect of insulin. Blunting the effect of insulin has wide ranging effects on the body and one of those is to harden blood vessels! Now to be sure this is not the only cause of ED, there are some diseases that predispose a person to it…like heart diseases, obesity and diabetes.
But wait a minute…aren’t those diseases also linked to blood sugar issues? You bet! Psychological concerns that cause stress and worry can also lie behind ED, and whilst these may not be directly linked to blood sugar issues it is fair to say they are indirectly linked. This is because stress causes us to release cortisol, a type of hormone known as a ‘gluco-corticoid’.
Spot the ‘gluco’ part there…glucose…blood sugar. Cortisol is a potent modulator of blood sugar because that’s its job, it causes a rush of stored sugar to enter the blood. Was Pat stressed? Absolutely! Is every guy with ED stressed out? No, but from a functional point of view one needs to look at stress and blood sugar as foundational issues.
So what did we do? First I analysed his diet and found that he was eating a high carb, high protein, low fat diet. How did I figure this out? By putting a week’s worth of his diet into an online diet calculator, but honestly at this stage I can pretty much tell by talking to people. I use the calculator more as a way of illustrating graphically to clients what kind of balance is in their diet because seeing it in a pie chart is a very effective teaching tool. The carb portion of his diet was very high in simple carbs…refined grains, sugars, processed foods, white rice, white bread etc. You should be able to see a pattern here already, he was eating a diet that supplies a lot of sugar in a form that easily slips into the blood, in other words ‘simple carbs’…as opposed to ‘complex carbs’!
But what about the high protein component? This was coming from lean meat and protein powders mostly, it was a holdover from Pat’s training days when he used to do bodybuilding years ago. One of the negative effects of high protein consumption is that it causes a gradual depletion of Vitamin A from the body. This is because vitamin A comes in the fat not the protein part of meat, so a diet of lean meat is also lean in Vitamin A, plus it is used up rapidly when metabolising protein. What is of concern here is that Vitamin A is absolutely crucial for sperm production, but it is also crucial for maintaining flexibility in the walls of blood vessels.
Now think back to what we said about ED…it’s a problem with blood flow right! How does Viagra work…it relaxes the walls of the blood vessels. Why would they need relaxing? Because they have become too stiff! Why have they become too stiff? Well there are a few potential reasons…but a deficiency of vitamin A, along with high blood sugar and the inflammation that brings are all prime candidates.
So here, after just a basic investigation, we have two targets to aim at:
- High blood sugar, which at this stage is not yet confirmed by blood tests but would fit the pattern of Pat’s diet
- A potential case of vitamin A deficiency due to a low fat diet and excessive protein consumption.
A third ‘target’ showed up later on when Pat confided in me that he hated his job! That’s a tough one I admit, and whilst I don’t have a direct solution to this particular problem I do have some very valuable tools that can help.
First I could and often do refer clients to various other complementary practitioners who are specialists at finding and opening the pressure release valve in people. EFT, NLP, counseling and a few other modalities are well worth trying out in these cases.
Let’s be clear…when we are stressed it is hardly ever because the situation is really a threat to us…rather it is to do with our perception of the situation…and the above therapies can often help us change our perception. Or in the case of EFT in particular it can perform seeming miracles in people by simply altering the neural wiring that links the event to our stressful interpretation! It’s amazing stuff.
I do tend to find guys more resistant to this idea than women…but it works just as well for both. I encouraged Pat to give EFT a go and after just a single session he had a huge shift in his perception and lost most of his job associated stress. He did continue for a few more sessions to finish out the job all the same.
During this time I encouraged Pat to have his sperm quality tested and sure enough there was a problem here too…he had sperm morphology issues. Basically this means a significant percentage of his sperm are misshapen and thus can’t swim properly. A second test confirmed that his HBA1C reading was borderline high. HBA1C is a measure of how much your blood is exposed to sugar…it’s used to determine diabetes. Pat wasn’t near diabetic but his levels were heading towards pre diabetes.
I tell ya…stress and a high sugar diet are terribly damaging to the body over time!
We restructured Pat’s diet to one that included a lot more animal and plant fat, with less protein and simple carbs – mainly I eliminated lean meat and then added raw cheese, liver, organic bacon, salmon, eggs and a lot of vegetables. I also used a specific herb that quickly helps with blood sugar metabolism and getting the proverbial monkey off your back, and a specific supplement to supply the nutrients I estimated to be low in his diet…particularly vitamin A, D E & K2 plus zinc and iodine.
Vitamin K2 helps the body lay down calcium in the right places, and one of the reasons behind ED is that the blood vessels are stiff because of calcification (in turn due to inflammation) So whilst I can’t claim that K2 reverses this calcification (I mean it could…I just don’t know for sure) it certainly will assist in preventing further calcification.
Getting calcium metabolism right is also crucial for proper sperm production, so the K2 will help here also. I also suggested digestive enzymes for 2 months to help Pat extract more nutrients from his food. This is because being stressed for prolonged times down-regulates digestion and so it needs to be coaxed back to normality.
There are supplements that can boost ones nitric oxide levels, and I do sometimes avail of them, but not this time because I didn’t need to. Pat responded really well…and at that he didn’t even stick to the diet 100%.
With NO OTHER intervention…no drugs…no surgery Pat was able to resolve his erection problem AND his sperm morphology issues within 6 months. By the time we parted ways he had a new lease of sex life and an obvious increase if ejaculate volume…which is a good sign.
That was over two years ago as of this writing, and after I emailed several past clients looking for testimonials he did contact me to give permission for this article but also told me that his son was born in the meantime!!
Love it! Life is good.
Brendan O’Brien NT MSc
Why is my body not fertile?
I’m going to suggest that a deep level of honesty is necessary to answer that question.
I’m also going to suggest that at any given moment most of us are not prepared to be that honest, and yet I can tell you with confidence that shift happens the moment we are courageous enough to be honest about what ‘actually is’.
Why am I not fertile?
The most reasonable high-level answer is that question is – because you have been avoiding the truth about yourself for so long now your body is confused and thus unable to conduct the internal orchestra properly.
It feels judgemental doesn’t it! The implications of it are hard to stomach.
“What? – you’re saying that I’ve been lying to myself all these years?”
Maybe lying is too strong a term – ‘avoiding the truth’ is a more accurate way to put it.
But you see, the thing is we ALL do this – that’s why all have problems. But c’mon, think about it – do you really believe you’ve never made mistakes? Does anyone seriously believe that they never avoid the truth?
If fertility is your problem, then time is of the essence. You need a plan to get from where you are to where you want to be, and this means you must first accept where you are, it also might mean admitting to yourself that you don’t know how to get to the place you want to be.
The truth is your most powerful ally here and failing to accept that is why so many people never engage the journey properly. Internet fertility forums are full of such people talking about this or that drug and how best to use it, or this or that supplement and how good or bad it was for them, but precious few ever embrace the truth.
The truth is we find ourselves with the problems we have due to ‘The Way We Are’, and we can’t fix those problems if we remain the same. We must change – that’s life, that’s the truth, it’s also inevitable – so why not embrace it!
Russell Brand was asked one day if he was happy.
“Well…I’m happy right now” he said “but I don’t know if I’ll be happy in an hour”
There’s far too much emphasis in our society on the goal of “being happy”.
Far better I think is to seek satisfying meaningful work.
This always involves a quest to find solutions to problems that cause somebody unnecessary suffering, even if that somebody is yourself.
It also always involves working hard, so it requires discipline.
Discipline feels like the opposite of freedom but is in fact a necessary ingredient of being free – and happy.
If you are having no success getting pregnant, and you don’t know why – ask yourself if you are pursuing happiness instead of meaning.